Keith Olbermann - the antidote to Bill O'Reilly

Or so it would seem. It's funny to watch the ongoing feud between Fox's O'Reilly and NBC's Olbermann. Olbermann frequently bestows O'Reilly with the honor of "Worst Person In The World," and O'Reilly has been known to drop callers from his radio show simply for mentioning Olbermann's name. Each man is convinced that the other is a flaming dick, and well, they're both right. I mean, observing this feud is like watching two enraged capuchins toss their feces at one another.

O'Reilly is a loose cannon who speaks with the authority of the gods, sexually harasses his employees, frequently interrupts his guests and even threatens to "tear [them] to fucking pieces" on occasion. Olbermann is a bully who enjoys taking cheap shots, stalking pornstars (not that that's a bad thing, since pornstars aren't people like you or me) and administering seemingly-endless vitriolic rants against whoever happens to be grinding his gears on a given evening.

But, you know what? Both men are entertaining. Of course, Olbermann will never have a fraction of O'Reilly's audience, but that's another story. Like it or not, prime time cable news is about 10 percent information, 90 percent sensationalism, as well it should be. If I want "just the facts," I'll watch my local news, or that "living in the last days" news show on the Christian channel. When I watch cable news, I don't want Dan Rather putting me to sleep with a monotone lullaby about the conflict in the middle east. I want to see someone get his ass handed to him.

Left-wing, right-wing, I don't care, frankly. You can insult me, you can badger me, just don't bore me. I am a product of the fast-paced television age. I prefer rice that cooks in three minutes and I get nervous if I have to spend more than thirty seconds in an elevator, and frankly I don't have the attention span for Cronkite-style snooze news. Welcome to 21st century America. And before you start blubbering about how Mr. O'Reilly is a right-wing blowhard, or how Mr. Olbermann is a liberal in sheep's clothing, just remember that these men perform a far greater service than the mere providing of information: these men provide us with a dark, boiling cynicism that prevents us from getting too cozy with those wicked creatures whom we sometimes refer to as "Our fellow man."